Starting from where I left off… I’m not sure why some of this is in smaller type then the rest. :p
Mother greeted me as I came through the door, and I smiled and took off my bulky coat. Draping it over a chair near the popping fire, I paused for a few seconds, warming my numb hands.
~*~*~*~
Around dinner time, Mother had me ring the cowbell outside. It clanged noisily as I hurriedly shook it, and I quickly stepped inside the house again as a gust of wind flipped my thick, long braid into my face. I licked my lips and set the bell back in it’s place, hoping I had rung it long and hard enough that the boys had heard it. Soon my wondering was finished, as the door swung open and stamping feet came in.
“I do believe we’re expecting a storm sometime in the next few days,” Father commented, puffing out warm breath onto his fingertips. I mentally sighed—Winter was my least favorite season—it was so cold and we couldn’t travel as well when the weather was bad. I shook my head at myself—there I was complaining again.
We sat down to the large pot full of steaming chicken soup and a loaf of delicious bread. Mm, food. We all stuffed ourselves and the older boys hurriedly left with Father to get back to work. I scrubbed at the dishes and put them away while Mother took a short nap, then I awoke her. “Mother, I’m finished with the dishes.” She yawned and got up sleepily. “I’m afraid I’ll be needing more rest now that the baby is on the way,” she commented smiling. I nodded, then eagerly asked, “Would it be all right with you if I go to the barn and play my violin?”
Mother laughed and confirmed that the answer was yes with a nod of her head. I smiled brightly and pulled myself up the ladder to the loft. Sliding the violin out from under the bed, I grasped the beloved case and descended the ladder more graciously and slowly then I had done in the morning. One of the worst things I could think of happening would be that I would drop the case. I set it carefully down on the floor as I shrugged on my coat again. In my excitement I forgot the scarf this time, but it was no matter. I almost skipped a few buttons as I fumbled to do them. Mother laughed at me, “It’s amazing how much enjoyment you get from that!” She hesitated, “But of course, you know how much enjoyment I get from hearing you play it… Have a fun time playing to the cattle!”
I laughed and picked up the chocolate-colored leather case once more. Mother glanced at my hands, and her smile turned to a slight frown. “Your coat sleeves are getting quite short for you.” She commented glancing at my face. I stopped for a moment. “Oh, you are right! I guess I’m getting a bit bigger, right?” I laughed a little nervously, I didn’t want Mother to have to worry about a coat for me—we didn’t have money flowing out of our drawers, and I could live with my woolen coat for now. “It’s all right, Mother! I can do fine with this one, really! My wrists really don’t get that much colder then when I have longer sleeves.” I laughed. She shrugged, “Well, all right dear. Now off you go.” She opened the door for me as I said “Thank you! See you soon!”
I placed one boot in front of the other as I paced the ground to the barn. The small windows let in enough light at this time of day that I had no need to light any lanterns. I heard Fanny mooing from the back, and I again ascended a ladder, this time to the loft. My right hand gripped the straw-strewn floor of the mow as I climbed up, and I stood once I was there completely. Undoing the clasps on my case, I lifted out the beautifully made instrument and lifted it. I raised the bow and gently laid it on the strings. I played my newest composition, “Gently” and experimented with the different sounds. Soft music spread throughout the building, and I closed my eyes as I slightly swayed with the wonderful notes. I don’t know how much later it was that I laid them aside and descended the ladder to walk back home. Surprisingly, my hands were barely numb, and I had not really noticed the cold while I had been playing. Sliding the door open, I walked inside. Mother sat near the table reading the Bible. Her graying hair was pulled up into a soft bun, but a few strands fell in front of her eyes. I softly closed the door and put my violin underneath my bed again. I stole downstairs again quietly, and wondered where the little boys were, as Mother was alone in the house. She didn’t say anything, but only sat there silently. I gripped the door and opened it again to find out where the little boys. Mother was acting differently—She wasn’t normally this quiet, and usually she at least said hello, even if she was reading the Word. I puzzled over it in my mind as I turned the corner of the house and paused.
Our homestead was on a vast expanse of ground. Near the walls were groups of trees and a small orchard. I always wove my ways through them to reach the path to the barn. Beyond the well-trod path and barn there lay the acres we owned—right now they were bare and a grayish brown color, empty from harvest and ready for snowfall. Even farther past them was the forest. We didn’t own the forest—and I wasn’t even sure who did—but I went there semi-frequently. It was dark and mysterious most of the time, and a small stream ran through it. I had ridden another mare of ours—Missy—through it a few times. She always skittered a bit, but I was never nervous. I loved the mistiness of it, the dripping trees and the woods sounds. I thought of how the whole expanse would look in about a month—most likely covered with snow and ice. It would be harder to get around and colder…
I stopped my daydreaming and started walking again. Now that I was listening, I could hear the younger boys out in the back playing near The Big Tree. Father had tied a sack full of hay to a rope and hung it from the tree. I heard Levi laughing as I rounded the corner as he clasped his knees together and clung to the rope as Joseph spun him around and around.
My mouth twitched into a smile—I hadn’t been on the swing sack all summer. I used to play with the little boys all the time—I joined their war games and got just as messy as they did. I hadn’t really played games like that for so long though. To tell the truth, I rather missed it, but it seemed there wasn’t time. And of course, I didn’t want to ruin my dress. They didn’t really ask me to play anymore, they just played by themselves. I supposed I wasn’t very much fun to them anymore anyway. I kind of sighed—it would almost be wonderful to stay young forever. Not to worry about everything—just let the parents decide. They had all the answers anyway—it seemed. But now that I was older things were different. I saw that Father and Mother often didn’t have any answers. And when things were unsure, I was worried, and it seemed I was always worried. I didn’t trust God enough—barely ever, and it was so hard for me. I sighed heavily.
“Hi!” Daniel yelled—now he was grasping the sack and swinging back and forth. I walked forward and pushed him as hard as I could. “Aaaaaah!!!” he shrieked as the bag flailed wildly. I started laughing as he rocked back and forth. “Push me next! Me next!” Nathanael cried eagerly. I heaved him onto the sack when Daniel got off, and he gripped the rope tightly. Since he was only four, I didn’t push him nearly as hard—probably only half of what I had swung Daniel—but that was enough for him. And I shoved my worries back and tried to be carefree.
After playing with the boys for a while, I returned inside to see which chores should be done. Mother wasn’t at the table or in the kitchen, so I peeked into her and Father’s tiny closed of bedroom, as I doubted she would be in the loft. She was laying on the bed sleeping, which surprised me greatly. She had already taken a nap today, and she rarely slept so much. I shrugged—if she was tired enough to lay down again she must need the sleep. I crept away and looked at the house. It was all straightened and clean—We had done laundry on Saturday, and today was Tuesday, so we had no need to do more of that yet. Supper needed to be made, but I wasn’t sure what Mother wanted to do. I sighed, hating to feel useless like I was doing nothing; I hadn’t done very much yet that day, just normal chores and making dinner. With nothing to do though, I felt lazy but couldn’t change it, and I stepped up the ladder to the loft. Laying beside the bed was some stationary I had received in the past year, and I picked it up.
